Outfit:
Burgundy polka dot shirt: ASOS
Distressed skinny jeans: George at ASDA (similar)
White plimsol trainers: Converse
Red leather backpack: Michael Kors (similar)
When one of my closest friends announced she was pregnant I cried. Part of me cried because I was in shock and about five gins down, another part she looked so excited at her news and the final part cried because I was upset that the dynamics in our 13 year friendship was about to change and I wasn't ready for that happen. Selfish eh? I honestly though I had at least another five years before any babies made an appearance.
It's no surprise that I'm not a very maternal person. I can't pretend I am and I'm so awkward when I'm around babies. I'm just not interested in having any of my own at this moment in time. I'm not sure if I will ever be interested in having my own.
As my friend's pregnancy went on it slightly freaked me out. She was the first one and I was beyond happy for her because you know she was going to be a mum. But all I kept thinking about was how there was just going to be a baby. Just there. For the rest of time. Things would never be as carefree again. Are you getting the picture that I'm not that keen on change? There when we had our summer BBQs, there when we met up for brunch and there when we all got together around each other's houses. Then as her due date drew closer, I found myself on the edge of my seat every time my phone pinged. When baby 'I' finally arrived, I thought she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Even now six months down the line, I find myself in Primark picking up things that I think she'll look cute in. I've surprised myself with just how much I'm taken with her and really didn't expect to be this involved. Sorry 'S'! We have a group Whatapp group and I get weekly pictures of what 'I' is doing and those messages make my day. I'm still fairly awkward around her and still find myself petrified that I'm going to drop her on her head six months down the line. But it feels like she's always been here.
Even though I love her, I don't want her to always be there. I can't tell you how selfish that makes me feel. Seeing her little face makes me smile but sometimes I just want things to go back to being how they were when we were sixteen and I relish spending time with her mum on her own, without any distractions. I didn't sign up for having a baby in my life all the time. If I did I'd have my own sprog at my side. I feel there is a time and a place and I want to spend time with my friends, with who they were BB (before baby). For me that's the mindset I'm in. My world at the minute isn't about nipple cream or breast pads. It's about going out on a Saturday night to try out the local gin bar that's just opened or booking a weekend away even though I really can't afford it.
If I don't ask about your baby or don't make a fuss, it's because for me babies just aren't my world. I don't think it's fair to force any baby on someone or make anyone feel guilty as people are at such different times in their lives. We all move at different paces. Myself? I'm moving at a snail pace when it comes to accepting I'm a fully fledged adult! It took me ten years to take the plunge to move in with my boyfriend... I can completely understand that they are your world - as they should be if you ever have a baby. It's not that I'm not interested, it's that I have other things on my mind that I'm dealing with. Other things that I want to do that at this moment in time are more important to me that babies. But I am so happy for my friends because they themselves are happy. That's all I want. I just want my friends to be happy in whatever they do. They're absolutely bossing it and it makes me proud that I know such kick-ass women.
The one main thing friends having babies has taught me though? My BFF definitely can't have a baby without me being pregnant at the same time because this needy girl will not one able to cope with the lack of attention if she has a baby and I don't!
How do you feel about your friends starting to have babies?
Red leather backpack: Michael Kors (similar)
When one of my closest friends announced she was pregnant I cried. Part of me cried because I was in shock and about five gins down, another part she looked so excited at her news and the final part cried because I was upset that the dynamics in our 13 year friendship was about to change and I wasn't ready for that happen. Selfish eh? I honestly though I had at least another five years before any babies made an appearance.
It's no surprise that I'm not a very maternal person. I can't pretend I am and I'm so awkward when I'm around babies. I'm just not interested in having any of my own at this moment in time. I'm not sure if I will ever be interested in having my own.
As my friend's pregnancy went on it slightly freaked me out. She was the first one and I was beyond happy for her because you know she was going to be a mum. But all I kept thinking about was how there was just going to be a baby. Just there. For the rest of time. Things would never be as carefree again. Are you getting the picture that I'm not that keen on change? There when we had our summer BBQs, there when we met up for brunch and there when we all got together around each other's houses. Then as her due date drew closer, I found myself on the edge of my seat every time my phone pinged. When baby 'I' finally arrived, I thought she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Even now six months down the line, I find myself in Primark picking up things that I think she'll look cute in. I've surprised myself with just how much I'm taken with her and really didn't expect to be this involved. Sorry 'S'! We have a group Whatapp group and I get weekly pictures of what 'I' is doing and those messages make my day. I'm still fairly awkward around her and still find myself petrified that I'm going to drop her on her head six months down the line. But it feels like she's always been here.
Even though I love her, I don't want her to always be there. I can't tell you how selfish that makes me feel. Seeing her little face makes me smile but sometimes I just want things to go back to being how they were when we were sixteen and I relish spending time with her mum on her own, without any distractions. I didn't sign up for having a baby in my life all the time. If I did I'd have my own sprog at my side. I feel there is a time and a place and I want to spend time with my friends, with who they were BB (before baby). For me that's the mindset I'm in. My world at the minute isn't about nipple cream or breast pads. It's about going out on a Saturday night to try out the local gin bar that's just opened or booking a weekend away even though I really can't afford it.
If I don't ask about your baby or don't make a fuss, it's because for me babies just aren't my world. I don't think it's fair to force any baby on someone or make anyone feel guilty as people are at such different times in their lives. We all move at different paces. Myself? I'm moving at a snail pace when it comes to accepting I'm a fully fledged adult! It took me ten years to take the plunge to move in with my boyfriend... I can completely understand that they are your world - as they should be if you ever have a baby. It's not that I'm not interested, it's that I have other things on my mind that I'm dealing with. Other things that I want to do that at this moment in time are more important to me that babies. But I am so happy for my friends because they themselves are happy. That's all I want. I just want my friends to be happy in whatever they do. They're absolutely bossing it and it makes me proud that I know such kick-ass women.
The one main thing friends having babies has taught me though? My BFF definitely can't have a baby without me being pregnant at the same time because this needy girl will not one able to cope with the lack of attention if she has a baby and I don't!
How do you feel about your friends starting to have babies?
I 100% know how you feel, and am totally on your wave length too.
ReplyDeleteWe don't want children, never say never, but I am almost sure that won't happen. Even though myself and friends are turning 30, it still feels such a surprise that my friend is trying and the other has a 1 year old. I don't feel less mature than them, but I also feel like they're must be in such a different place to me to want that- which is a whole weird feeling in itself. x
Love From, Steph & The Spaniels
Love this! I don't have many friends with babies (yet) but I do worry about how friendship dynamics will change when this inevitably starts happening. I've never even held a baby and seem incapable of "cooing" - I just hope that my friends understand that when they do start popping out babies (i.e. do not ask me to help with babysitting / nappy changing!) x
ReplyDeleteMy bestie had her first last year and I've met him...once. She understands where I'm at with the whole baby thing and so she comes over on her own for wine and chats and I imagine it gives her a bit of breathing space from the relentless pressure of motherhood x
ReplyDelete